I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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