Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well I just put wine in my tea
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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