If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
