I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
