I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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