I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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