When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I party with great urgency now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
