I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
