Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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