Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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