Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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