He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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