that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
