did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I FOUND THE LEGS
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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