he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
accomplished twins. life is a go
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
