Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
