I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
