New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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