I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize