if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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