I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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