u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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