thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
