maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
