Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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