We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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