Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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