What did we do last night that was yellow?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize