Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
