So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
