it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
