i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
