Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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