dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
