Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
