ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
