I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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