Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
