Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
