You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
