Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
