I'm so fucking centered right now
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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