I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
