You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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