i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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