Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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