I can tuck mytits in my pants
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
