Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
