Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
