I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
