He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
