I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
