Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
