Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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