i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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