I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
