saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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