My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
