This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
