I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
