like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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