I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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