this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
