i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
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Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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