life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
