Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
