every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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