I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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