Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
third nipple confirmed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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