My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
