I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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