Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
