Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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