your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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