I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
