i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My breasts were aching with rage.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
