i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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