Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize