she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
