i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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