I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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